Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
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9:59 pm - new lj
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Friday, August 18th, 2006
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8:55 pm - What am I supposed to do....
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Its getting impossible to please everyone
:[
Lately I've been talking to more of my myspace friends than just the usuals
I've gotten really close towards these two people in Puyallup
And I just decided to put them on my little collage of people on my profile
I needed it to be even so I decided to take Jordan off for a bit
Stupidly thinking he wouldn't mind
But no
He effing deletes me
We haven't been fighting lately...
Or anything like that
So I totally know thats the reason why
And I think its utterly ridiculous
I just can't seem to please anyone these days
Alex doesn't talk to me anymore
My mom still is being mean and only calls when she wants something
Jordan pulls this
WTF
current mood:  angry
current music: Maxeen: Strangers
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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7:42 am - We'll be tonightless
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I'm in the weirdest mood ever..
I can't explain it
Its half depressed and half comatose
I've been such a weirdo lately
One second I'm on top of the world
and the next I feel as if its ended
wtf?
I haven't written in here in ages
So much has been going on at lightening speed I never have time
My goal for the rest of the summer is to be more chill
To live life and love every second
Its going to take some work.. but I'm willing
I wish I didn't feel this way about fsljfd
I'm soooo scared
Its unbelievable
I've tumbled head over freaking heels
In like an instant
Ughhhhh
We'll see what happens I guess
current mood:  blank
current music: Eighteen Visions: Truth or Consequence
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, March 27th, 2006
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7:56 pm - I can't wait until fall
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I'm soooo excited
My mom finally saw what I have been telling her all along.
TCC is a piece of crap school.
I'm not getting into the details because they would take forever, but it is official.
I'm going to Pierce in the fall.
I finally get to be around people I know.
It sounds kinda weird I am so excited, but I grew up there. My mom used to take me to class with her because she didn't have a baby sitter while my grandma still worked.
I always felt so at home and at ease there.
Just like at Saint Martin's. Which is precisely why I am seriously thinking about transferring there after I finish up my Associate's in science. I was just going to settle and go to UW Tacoma, but why spare a little bit of loans, when I am going to have about $200,000 anyway?
I don't know why, but I have been remembering odd things all day today. Which if you really know me is surprising. I never remember the little things. But all day these strange repressed moments keep popping up.
My moods have been up and down all day. My mom actually called me bipolar. I just got really happy when we were at Pierce, and then about twenty minutes later I was being really bitchy and mean. I don't get it.
Hopefully I don't run into him when I start. I have no feelings in that direction anymore, but it is really awkward when we see each other. I don't know why he just can't be normal.
I can't wait for classes to start Monday. I am soooo bored. If anyone ever wants to do anything, I am up for it. I am crawling outta my skin with boredom. I sleep all day because there is nothing else to do.
I should probably start packing soon seeing as we are moving in 12 days.
current mood:  awake
current music: my special birthday mix cd <3
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, February 12th, 2006
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11:55 pm
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Why can't you stop your frigging whining for one day?
Is it impossible for you to have a good day?
No one says they hate you, they don't treat you horribly.
Just shut up.
current mood: cranky
current music: New Found Glory - Belated
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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10:59 am - I need a nap
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I slept a whole three hours before I had to get up for CP.
It was a total waste of time.
Besides giving Sylver her cd after like two months.
I'm feeling distressed right now.
I need to figure things out.
More later I hope.
current mood:  distressed
current music: Cars & Calories - Saves the Day
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, January 12th, 2006
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2:28 pm - la la la
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So this is what bliss feels like.
mmmhhhmmm....
current mood:  giggly
current music: Konstantine - SoCo
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(comment on this)
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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7:34 pm - Gosh I feel sick....
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I am so worried about tomorrow.
It never fails no matter what the day before a new class starts I freak out.
This time its worse than usual.
Four new classes?
What if I am in over my head??
I keep wondering if I should just try and go for an easy degree like literature or something.
Why did I pick to go premed??
I am so worried I am going to fuck up my life.
Ugh.
current mood:  nervous
current music: You're Gone - SoCo
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
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7:30 pm - I Finally Got My Grades
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TUE, DEC 27, 2005 TACOMA COMMUNITY COLLEGE
UNOFFICIAL STUDENT TRANSCRIPT
MOTTERSHEAD AMANDA
TERM COURSE ID -------- TITLE -------- GRADE CREDITS
FAL05 ENGL 101 COMPOSITION B+ 5.0
HIST 241 US HIST:17,18 CENT (M) B+ 5.0
SOC 110 INTRO TO SOCIOLOGY (M) A 5.0
Qtrly: Gpa Cr 15.0 Cr Earn 15.0 P/S Cr 0.0 Grpts 53.0 GPA 3.53
Cum: Gpa Cr 15.0 Cr Earn 15.0 P/S Cr 0.0 Grpts 53.0 GPA 3.53
Clvl: Gpa Cr 15.0 Cr Earn 15.0 P/S Cr 0.0 Grpts 53.0 GPA 3.53
not bad considering i didn't even take my history final
current mood: happy
current music: Hawthorne Heights - Language Lessons
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, December 24th, 2005
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8:29 am - Can't you just go away
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For the past few weeks me and Nate have been hardcore flirting. We both have come to the consensus that we want each other but neither has enought time. Lynn gets wind of this and has to tear down my happiness. Yesterday on messenger I was talking to Lynn. Usually I set my thingie to busy so she will leave me alone but I was feeling happy about the Christmas card she gave me. Everything was going okie dokie until out of nowhere she comes out with "I just told Nate I would date him if I were single." WTF!!!!!!!!!! God I just really cannot fucking stand her right now.
And then to make matters worse I cannot fucking sleep for the life of me. I have been up since noon yesterday. I am wide awake. I spent most of the night fixing my profile on myspace. I found a whole crap load of new bands I like. Then I got harassed by this icky singer guy that I had to block. I decided I was tired of people reading all my personal crap on blogs so I devoting this journal to my blogs instead because not many people know or care I have a livejournal. All sorts of creepy people read my blogs. I get about 15 hits a week if I post one a week. Who are those people?
So now I am pleasantly talking to Alex which is just what I need. No one makes me feel better than her.
<3
current mood: awake
current music: If Looks Could Kill - A Heartwell Ending
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 12th, 2005
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12:44 pm - hahahahha part 2
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this one is much better.
<3
current mood:  content
current music: on the last day
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(comment on this)
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12:42 pm - hahahahha
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wow. my friends are dirty...
current mood: content
current music: on the last day
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 8th, 2005
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3:06 pm
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Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
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5:07 pm - Dressed to kill you look so right
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Gosh. Lately I have been so bored. There is nothing to do. College classes will be over soon so I will have even less to do. Me and Brittney have been going to the mall a lot lately. Not quite as much as we used to but still bunches. Saturday is From First To Last. I am so excited. It is going to be so majorly awesome. Aaron and Vince are coming with us. That should be interesting. Aaron is always a little off... he he.
current mood: crazy
current music: Alexisonfire
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
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7:20 pm - fdjsfksdjf;lsd
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he likes me still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood: happy
current music: honesty by cartel
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(comment on this)
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6:56 pm - wow
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so i did it. instead of whining somemore about all the mixed signals he sends me and the cryptic messages i asked him if he still has feelings for me. that took a lot of guts but i happy i did it. i am tired of all the drama. i just want to either be friends (and act like it) or be together again. we'll see what happens.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: 4ever - The Veronicas
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(comment on this)
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Friday, November 4th, 2005
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12:16 pm - When I Close My Eyes I Can Still See Your Face Perfectly
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Gosh... I feel so.... amazingly.... happy....
This whole week I was miserable until yesterday. Yesterday was amazing.
Maybe I should explain. Yesterday started out sucking. I skipped CP because I was too tired after spending 6 hours at the mortuary on Wensday. I went to Sociology and did my history reading while we watched a lame ass movie on stratification. I decided to skip english and my mom picked me up after I stood in the rain for twenty minutes. We went and payed the bills and then my mom went and picked Brittney up.
Then she posed the question everyones been asking. "What would you like for your birthday?" I don't really want anything right now. Well one thing... but she can't get that. So she starts driving and we end up at Dragon's Lair. So we go in and Bones tells me that the triple industrial will hurt badly. I ask about a septum and he says its ugly on girls so he asks me about doing a surface to surface on my nape and I was like sure.
We go back into the room and I am shaking from fright. I am imagining the worst pain I will ever go through. I hold Brittney's hand as he massages my neck to do something to the blood vessels. I put my face down into the brown pillow thing and clutch Brittney's hand.
He says take a big breath the needles coming. Brittney squeezes my hand as the clamp goes down and pulls my skin up. As the needle starts to slide though I think of Jordan for some odd reason. How I wished he was there because he makes all the bad stuff go away.
The needles thouugh. It barely hurt at all. Then the jewelry goes through. That didn't hurt too much either. I sit up. The world spins. My blood sugar is down. Bones gives me a piece of candy and tells me to sit for awhile until I get my color back. My mom flirts. It makes me sick.
Then we leave and are back to our ordinary lives. I go to history. I talked to Jordan on the phone for awhile before it starts. I got that piece of shit paper I wrote back. B+. Don't know how that happened. Then I went home ate and fell asleep.
And now... I am happy....
current mood: happy
current music: Truce
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(comment on this)
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Monday, October 24th, 2005
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8:36 pm - Hmm....
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Eek! I am talking to like ten people on myspace. That isn't a bad thing though. I am actually enjoying it. I need mis amigos after the day I have had. It has seriously been the day from hell. Just read my newest blog for the details. Yeah well yeah.....
current mood: crushed
current music: Sunset Boulevard - Truce
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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3:08 am - Note to self I miss you terribly
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I had forgotten how much I am still in love with him before tonight. All through the benefit show I kept glancing his way and remembering those special little moments we shared. Ugh! Isn't it funny how the whole time we were going out I could give a shit about him, and now, almost a year later, I am head over heels.
The past few monthes I have convinced myself love doesn't exist. I told myself it never happened so how can you miss it. It is a misconception that only brings pain. But I LOVE him. I can't deny it anymore. I don't know what the reprocusions of this will be but I really don't care anymore. I need to let these feelings out before they eat me alive.
Well the benefit went great. I had fun. I stayed away from Brittney most of the time because all she cared about was Aaron. I went with Chance and went up into the light room. It was pretty fun. I went backstage a couple of times too. I went back there for Truce. They are really super duper good live. Craziness. After the show I wanted to stay and help out cleaning up but Jessica and them wanted to leave. Ugh! I hate little ten year olds.
I wish I could just drive myself. But I am the only person in this whole city not allowed to drive it seems like. Everyone is driving. Even people younger than me! I really dislike my mother some times and this is one of them. She never trusts me about anything.
current mood:  tired
current music: Red Wedding - The Bled
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, October 15th, 2005
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4:24 pm - everyone hates me now
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ugh. everyone hates me now because of some stupid myspace drama. i didn't do anything but i am getting blamed by association. i am torn between agreeing with either side. i just wish this never would have happened. it was all stupid. i am not the only one with access to this account. jebus
current mood: depressed
current music: my american heart - the process
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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xheartsandstars's journal
Dear Santa...